Category Archives: Men’s Mental Health

Men and the growing crisis of mental health

Men are three times more likely to die by suicide than women.

There are more billionaire men than women – but there are also more homeless men living rough than women.

There are more men in prison than women.

Men are more likely to receive harsh punishments for crimes than women.

The gaps between good and bad lives, good and bad experiences, good and bad support, are vast; we know that there’s a disparity between men and women – but few people speak about the enormous differences in life experience between men in different cultural and economic worlds.

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I wrote recently about toxic masculinity, and how it’s responsible for so many male abuse victims suffering in silence and being killed by their abusers.

It also means that men are more likely to die from treatable medical issues – because seeking medical help is seen as ‘weak’ and men are taunted for being ‘more dramatic’ with illnesses like ‘man flu’ (in reality, men are significantly more likely to die of flu than women) and will ignore symptoms of more serious conditions because it’s seen as a failing of masculinity to be worried, to visit a doctor, to express concern and seek help.

“Man up.”

“Boys don’t cry.”

Men’s health – and especially men’s mental health – is being failed by a system that isn’t offering intervention and support before the issue becomes life threatening. Statistics show that men are far more likely to die of things like cancer, infections, viruses, heart disease and diabetes – and that their lifestyles and weight can impact these far more commonly than women might experience. Men’s mortality is far higher than that of women, at every age – but the most worrying among these statistics by far is the number of men who are dying by suicide.

Often this is associated to younger men – but middle-aged and retired men are also far more likely to die of suicide than any natural causes or illnesses, and far more likely than women to die by suicide at every age.

Men are suffering with crippling, life threatening mental health issues because the medical system isn’t geared towards helping them, their workplaces make no allowances for their mental health and emotional needs, the pressures of providing for a family and maintaining a façade of strength among their peers are overwhelming, and admitting that they are struggling against these pressures is seen as a weakness, so they are ridiculed or dismissed.

This is leaving men across the UK, from every kind of background, every social environment, every income bracket, every level of our society with no support, with no access to the right kind of help, no avenue for seeking emotional and mental health support, medication, counselling, justice for any harm or abuse that they face.

The Men’s Health Forum are petitioning Government to invest more in a Men’s Health Strategy – something designed to improve and promote services tailored to the specific needs of men. Covid has hugely impacted the NHS, the available support, stretching an already thinly spread system in which so many men were already slipping through the gaps between their needs and the available services.

When men are ridiculed, dismissed as weak or brushed off for having any kind of health need – whether that’s physical or mental – it shows a dangerous and deadly culture of fronting any issue with ignorance, secrecy and fear. The endemic issue of toxic masculinity, of pushing men to maintain the illusion of strength and stability, of making them feel afraid to ask for help and acknowledge when they are struggling, is costing far too many lives.

It’s time that those voices are heard, and that men are supported to seek the help that they need to survive any mental or physical health crisis; that they are given fair and universal access to mental health support, to lifestyle and physical health benefits that they are currently lacking, and that the mentality of ‘man up’ is challenged so often, and so loudly, that it becomes the shameful view, and men are finally able to speak openly about the challenges that they face and access appropriate support in order to break that cycle of toxicity.

Martin Tod, CEO of the Men’s Health Forum, has shared this video which details the worrying statistics that men are facing, and which is the front of their campaign,

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZD7pU7pZNZk

and you can sign the petition supporting the cause here

https://www.menshealthforum.org.uk/petition-mens-health-strategy?utm_source=MHF+newsletters&utm_campaign=cc28e67fbf-APPG_Video_7_17_2021_20_8&utm_medium=email&utm_term=0_b8d405abed-cc28e67fbf-444204473&mc_cid=cc28e67fbf&mc_eid=2e66ec0ef9

It’s time that Government realised that their health support needs to meet the very different and specific needs of both men and women – and, in fact, everyone who falls between those two categories in the spectrum of gender and sex. Binary and blanket health care is outdated, ineffective and failing our population, and it’s time for things to change and to evolve with the existing needs of people who rely on that system for support.

Mental Health word cloud on a white background.

I work with many men, including those who have fallen into the trap of repeating toxic cycles, who were victims of abuse in their formative years, who were punished for being vulnerable, and who are now living with the impact of significant mental health needs. These cycles can be broken, and even those who are living with very complex pain and trauma can find a pathway to leave that hurt behind, and to avoid weaponizing it to protect themselves from potential future harm.

If you feel that you would benefit from somewhere safe to speak, to process your past hurts, to deal with the stress and pressure of your current life, to prepare for any upcoming challenges that you are worrying about, and you think you need support with any mental health concerns, contact me – you don’t need to battle your demons alone. You can contact me through this website, through FacebookLinkedIn or email on amandaburbidge-counselling@outlook.com, or call me on 07849 037095 – you can also message or call via WhatsApp on the same number, and I offer video sessions for those who are still unable to meet in person. to speak about what support you think you’d benefit from.

Domestic abuse and the abuse of men – and the plague of toxic masculinity

 Across the UK reports of domestic abuse have increased significantly. The police saw a 7% increase in violent domestic abuse reports, Victim Support report a 12% increase in referrals for domestic abuse cases, and the National Domestic Abuse Helpline saw a very concerning 65% increase in calls in just the first months of lockdown. These figures have continued to grow throughout the ongoing pandemic, and domestic abuse is a cause of enormous concern as resources continue to be overwhelmed and people remain in abusive relationships and situations that are reaching boiling point under the ongoing pressures of the pandemic.

The media has been drawing a lot of attention to these statistics, and attempting to find support for resources which offer help to victims. The main focus of this help has been for women and children, who have been victimised by their abusive partners and fathers.

Much of the media coverage, however, doesn’t make much referral to resources for men who are suffering abuse, and who are being victimised in domestic abuse situations.

Men often find it much harder than women to escape abuse. They also find it harder to admit, or even to accept, that they are in an abusive relationship. Public response to men being abused is far less sympathetic, and can often make light or even ridicule those who are trying to ask for help, but it is just as dangerous for a man who is being abused as it is for a female victim.

Men in abusive relationships are at high risk of physical harm and even death, and especially so because the public response, and that of many services, doesn’t take their abuse as seriously, which means that men are ashamed or embarrassed to seek help, therefore find themselves trapped for longer without access to support and resources which could protect them from their abuser.

The legal repercussions for women who abuse men are also far less significant, which means that they are less protected from their abuser finding them again, or returning to the abusive relationship because their abuser gets off lightly and is still free to continue contacting, and therefore abusing, their victim.

One very public case shown regularly in the media in recent years was 22 year old Alex Skeel from Bedfordshire, who was found ‘days from death’ by police after neighbours reported a disturbance.  His then partner, Jordan Worth, admitted grievous bodily harm and coercive, controlling behaviour, after isolating Alex from his family and friends, and assaulting him with knives, boiling water and a hot iron, among other incidents. Jordan was jailed for seven and a half years for the abuse, and Alex is now very active as a public speaker, regularly appearing in the media, campaigning to raise awareness and support for men who are abused.

Sickeningly, a significant amount of the public response to the news stories, including comments on news stories and posts on Twitter, have seen people ridiculing Alex, making jokes about the abuse he suffered, and taunting him for publicly speaking about his experiences.

Which is precisely why he continues to do it. To raise awareness of how terrifying living with abuse is, and how incredibly dangerous it is for authorities and services to see it as ‘less significant’ and thus less serious or damaging than a man abusing a woman.

I wrote recently about the life-altering impact of shame, and how it can cause deep psychological issues – you can read that article here – and one thing many men who have been abused name as a lasting impact is shame; shame that they were abused, shame that they ‘were weak’ or that they are somehow less of a man.

This is not true. It simply isn’t. The mentality that ‘a real man’ couldn’t be abused, or that it’s somehow funny, is wholly inaccurate and damaging.

Toxic masculinity – the way that men are taught from a very young age that they should be tough, that they should not be soft or gentle, that they should be hard and unemotional, is poisonous.

Toxic masculinity, and the ingrained belief that men should never struggle with their emotional needs or mental health, that men should never cry, not talk about their feelings, should be physically and mentally tougher than women, and that their needs are insignificant or a sign of weakness and being somehow ‘lesser’, is precisely why more men are finding themselves in abusive relationships.

It is also why it is harder for them to seek, and receive, help. It is why the statistics for suicide are significantly higher in men. Because they have no way of processing, recovering from or surviving pain, trauma and mental ill health.

In fact; suicide is the single biggest killer of men under 45 in the UK, and figures are increasing.

Suicide is directly linked to shame – and shame is a direct result of toxic masculinity. That toxicity is seeing more men die from abuse, or from suicide, and both could be avoided if people simply felt more able to speak honestly about their experiences, and receive support.

If you are struggling with shame, or have been the victim of abuse – either in the past or in your current life – please don’t continue to carry that pain alone. I can help, and am very experienced in working with men who have lived with abuse; you can contact me through this website, through FacebookLinkedIn or email on amandaburbidge-counselling@outlook.com, or call me on 07849 037095 – you can also message or call via WhatsApp on the same number, and I offer video sessions for those who are still unable to meet in person.

You can also visit Mankind for more information and support for male victims of abuse https://www.mankind.org.uk/

Men’s Mental Health Week – June 14th-20th

I talk about mental health a lot – for obvious reasons! It isn’t something I campaign to open more conversations about simply because it’s my job – it’s a job I got into because I’m passionate about helping people to find support, about removing the stigma and shame still so prevalent in society around mental health issues, and about enabling those with the quietest voices to be heard.

One trend that is still apparent is that men find it harder than women to admit they are struggling, to ask for – and receive – help. The weight of toxic masculinity – the societal pressure for men to be strong, brave and stoic, to align mental health concerns with weakness or failure – means that men are far more likely to struggle alone.

This struggling alone means that men are still the highest statistic for suicide rates. Male suicide rates have risen by almost 10% in the last three years, with a significant increase through 2020 and 2021. There is a clear link between financial pressure and mental health concerns, with men expected to provide income for families, and the economic crisis brought by Covid-19 has seen those suicide rates skyrocketing – and mental health issues, particularly in adult males, recorded at the highest rate in history.

It is a crisis, and Government are still avoiding responding with adequate funding and support for the communities most impacted by these statistics, and the men in those communities who are desperate for help, for support, and for access to mental health treatments and counselling which would quite literally save lives.

Another shocking statistic which has leapt to the highest rate on record is the number of domestic abuse cases; situations where, due to lockdown, low employment, financial crisis and being trapped at home together have created a pressure oven of overwhelm, anger and aggression. The number of men physically attacking their partners and families has increased dramatically, and – again – the support and interventions which could prevent those incidents, and protect the victims, simply can’t keep up with the demand.

Another very clear connection and correlation is seen between men’s mental health and domestic abuse; better access to support and mental health interventions for men – and for the male children of abusers – would see drastic reduction in abusive incidents, breaking the cycle and allowing those involved to re-wire their emotional responses, providing safe spaces and solutions to their crisis. Those who commit these crimes have almost always been victims of abuse themselves, and are perpetuating a toxic pattern of abuse that can be prevented if they could access mental health support before they reach crisis, or use their own trauma as a weapon against others.

June 14th to 20th is National Men’s Mental Health Awareness Week – and there are a number of very important campaigns to raise awareness for these needs. To have these difficult conversations. To raise funds for the bodies and resources which support men’s mental health and provide active interventions and treatment for men’s mental health struggles.

The Men’s Mental Health Forum are one such body, and one which I actively support in my work with StopSo  – and they are running the ‘Can Do’ Campaign, raising vital awareness and funds, and recruiting Men’s Mental Health Champions to be the voice of their work; follow this link to find out more about the Can Do Campaign.

If you are struggling, if you have concerns about your mental health, if you have experienced trauma or difficulties and need a safe place to speak about them, to process them, and to leave your darker moments behind so that you can embrace your future happier, more confident and with resources to protect against future mental health crisis, please do get in touch. You can contact me through this website, through FacebookLinkedIn or email on amandaburbidge-counselling@outlook.com, or call me on 07849 037095 – you can also message or call via WhatsApp on the same number, and I offer video sessions for those who are still unable to meet in person. I can help – you don’t have to struggle alone, and our work together is completely confidential.